THE PLACE
We knew that we weren’t going to have a church wedding and we didn’t want to get married in the same spot as my prom, so we decided on our local theatre, where my dad and I performed in many shows together throughout my childhood. The architecture is amazing (1931 art deco). Check it out:
THE STYLE
Art Deco. We pulled the colors for the wedding right from the theatre.
THE SPACE
We also put together this space plan.
THE THEME
As for theme, we both come from big families that we can’t get enough of, with parents that are still together and love each other! Since that’s both wonderful and rare, we decided to make our wedding a celebration of the love we all share for each other. Our theme is ‘Our Family Tree’. Both families are naturally open and welcoming, and we couldn’t wait to have everyone together!
A GREEN WEDDING
Here are some of the things that made this a green wedding.
- invitations that used 1/6 of the average amount of paper
- use of a wedding website to RSVP and to get out of town guests all of the necessary info
- centerpieces that doubled as favors (less consumption) (tree seedlings, making our wedding an event that planted 90 new trees)
- shower centerpieces were potted plants, rather than cut flowers
- shower invitations printed on handmade recycled paper
- ceremony & reception in same location, with hotel across the street (less fuel consumption)
- the pomander decorations went directly to another bride for her wedding
- less overall consumption (no bridesmaid dresses – they wore something they already owned, use of vintage accessories, etc.)
- no new engagement ring, therefore not feeding the massively corrupt diamond industry
- less fuel consumption due to lack of usual staff (no band, DJ, cake, etc.)
- no registry
AN OVERALL NOTE
We chose to eliminate a lot of the usual wedding stuff. I’ve got nothing against stuff, but at the end of the day, what we hoped people would remember and treasure about the day are the moments that we will have shared. We wanted the focus to be on the people. We didn’t want stuff to be a distraction, so anything that didn’t serve a necessary function was cut. Bridesmaids dresses, centerpieces, the garter, the wedding cake (canoles instead), matching suits or tuxes for the Groomsmen, aisle runner, toasting flutes, you get the idea. Things were purposefully simple, to keep the focus on the love between us all, the love that brought us all into existence, and the love that’s brought us together on this day.
EVERYTHING PAPER
We are both pretty environmentally-conscious people who are incredibly cheap, so we knew that we didn’t want to do the standard 80-pieces-of-paper-6-envelopes-4-pieces-of-tissue-and-vellum route. Instead, I designed a 4×5.5 card directing everyone to RSVP at the wedding website that I built and tells folks with no internet access to call me. Since we had so many out of town guests, the website had lodging info, directions, parking info, airport/airline info, car rental info, fun stuff to do in the area, and a message board so that people can make plans for fun activities (while we all were gathered in the same state!) or make carpool/travel plans. I designed all of the paper goods in Photoshop and sent them to whcc.com (White House Custom Color) for printing (the paper we chose is a beautiful pearl). White House is the premiere print house for artists and photographers, their work is incredible, their staff is friendly, and their whole operation is so cost-effective and efficient. We got our invitation order in 3 days. They printed our thank yous, programs, rehearsal dinner invites, map cards (for locals) as well as the invitations. 101 invitations cost me $185.70 ($1.84 per invitation) including postage, the paper for the envelopes, and the printer cartridges. At home print jobs included favor tags, envelopes, telegrams, table numbers, escort cards, and various signage.
Here’s our font list:
The invitation (If I had it to do again, I’d make these 5×7):
The map cards:
I made these by starting with a screen shot of the google map, creating my version over it in Photoshop, and then deleting the google layer. You can see that it’s even to scale!
The Welcome/Rehearsal Dinner invitation:
Ceremony program (front):
Program (inside left):
Program (inside right):
Program (back):
Escort cards (front & back):
Guest book sign:
Guest book telegrams:
Guest book mailbox:
Place cards:
Table numbers:
Easels for table numbers and various signage:.
Favors:
Inside of favor card:
Photo booth sign:
Thank you notes:
Thank you note labels:
Thank you note envelopes:
THE FASHION
After trying on a beautiful $4000 dress that I knew that I couldn’t afford, I headed to David’s Bridal and got a $900 dress that did the trick. If I had it to do again, I’d get a more creative dress for less money on Etsy, like my dear friend Val did for her wedding.
This is a signed Whiting & Davis mesh bag from the late 20s. I got it for $40 – I’ve seen similar ones selling online and in other stores for up to $395. Score!
Both the earrings and purse came from Hubba Hubba! in Burbank. This store supplies the wardrobe for the show Mad Men.
I rocked a birdcage veil.
These are dance shoes that were custom made for me to wear in a show that I was in for 2 1/2 years. They are replicas of a pair of 1962 prom shoes. The most comfortable shoes ever!
Shower dress & Welcome/Rehearsal Dinner dress:
Shoes for each (I heart vintage heels!):
The bridesmaids wore whatever they wanted, as did the groomsmen. It was enough to ask most of the wedding party to travel to CT for the wedding without making them buy clothes on top of it.
THE FLOWERS
Candice Milliard of Candi’s Floral Creations did the flowers. Their beauty overwhelmed me, and I cried when I saw them. I have never known much about flowers, so I just gave her the colors and a general idea of what art, architecture, and shapes that I like. The rest was up to her. She is a true artist. I’m so glad that I just let her do her work and didn’t try to get specific with my limited knowledge of what’s out there and what’s possible. I trusted her completely and the end result was magnificent in a way that I could never have envisioned myself beforehand, and it wouldn’t have been nearly as breathtaking had I tried to nail down the details. I think that successful wedding planning is one part identifying your own talents and using them to the max, and one part recognizing where you haven’t a clue, finding talented people to step in, trusting them entirely, and staying out of their way so that they can do incredible work. I wanted her knowledge, artistry, and expertise, and I feel like her talent and creative spirit were unencumbered and free to express themselves to their highest potential.
The whole look:
THE MUSIC
We decided that all of the music would be 1920s-1950s. We decided to do this so that the old folks wouldn’t feel left out, and it worked out even better than we had anticipated. Mothers were dancing with sons, fathers with daughters, husbands with wives, godparents with godchildren, Armand with our aunts, me with our uncles, etc. We set the volume level at ‘loud enough to dance, but low enough for easy conversation’. Armand and I were so thrilled that the music worked out so wonderfully. We wanted everyone to have fun and dance, not just the young folks! We had the playlists on CDs. Armand pre-recorded voiceover tracks directing folks to the lobby for cocktail hour, announcing special dances, and such.
Here’s a sampling of the tunes:
PRESHOW
(approx. 80 min. of music – we just stopped it when we were ready)
Black and Tan Fantasy …….. Duke Ellington
Talking Picture …….. Johnny Hamp and his KY Serenaders
World War One Montage …….. Beatrice Lillie
Maple Leaf Rag …….. Sidney Bechet
The Charleston …….. Paul Whiteman and his Orchestra
Make the Best of It …….. Jimmy Durante
How Long Will It Last …….. Joan Crawford
I Want To Be Loved By You …….. Helen Kane
Let’s Misbehave …….. Irving Aaronson and his Commanders
The Chant …….. Jelly Roll Morton
West End Blues …….. Louis Armstrong
Let’s Fall in Love …….. Dorsey Brothers and Bing Crosby
Petite Suite (ii – Cortege) …….. Claude DeBussey
Some of These Days …….. Sophie Tucker/Ted Lewis Orchestra
Varsity Drag …….. George Olson
Making Whoopee …….. Eddie Cantor
My Man …….. Fanny Brice
Louise …….. Maurice Chevalier
Whispering ……..Paul Whiteman and his Orchestra
I’ve Found a Brand New Baby …….. Sidney Bechet
Doctor Jazz …….. Jelly Roll Morton
Darktown Struthers Ball …….. Ted Lewis and his Orchestra
Lucky Lindy …….. Nat Shilknet and his Orchestra
If You Knew Suzie …….. Eddie Cantor
Grandpa’s Spells …….. Jelly Roll Morton
Black Bottom Stomp …….. Johnny Hamp and his KY Serenaders
Mr. Jelly Lord …….. Jelly Roll Morton
PROCESSIONAL
Somewhere Over the Rainbow/What a Wonderful World …….. Israel Kamakawiwo’ole
DINNER
Classical
DANCING
(approx. 5 hours of music – lots of Rat Pack)
Our First Dance: You’re Getting To Be a Habit With Me …….. Bing Crosby
Father/Daughter Dance: Beauty & the Beast …….. from the Broadway musical
The next three are a Tansley family joke
Two Buffaloes …….. Rolf Harris
Court of King Caractacus …….. Rolf Harris
Where is the Love? …….. Roberta Flack & Donny Hathaway
THE CEREMONY
We used Neale Donald Walsh’s ceremony as a starting point and then restructured/rewrote whatever was necessary to make it more reflective of us and what we believe. We also asked both sets of parents if they would like to speak, with both of the fathers taking the bait.
Our original officiant, dropped out via email 2 1/2 days before the wedding. I had told him a few months prior that we had written a ceremony and I’d emailed him the final draft a couple of weeks before the wedding. He sent it back to me 6 days before the big day with massive revisions and additions that were not what we had discussed. The Corinthians quote (Love is Patient…) had been added with commentary (we aren’t Christian, and didn’t want the Bible in our wedding), a Shakespeare quote with commentary, and the ceremony proper had been changed to a theatrically-themed (I felt it was quite cheesy) event. Imagine the verbal equivalent of decorating an entire place in Comedy/Tragedy masks.
Examples: Us – “May your lives be woven into one design.”
Changed to – “May your lives be woven into one real life drama.”
Us – “May your home be a place of laughter.”
Changed to – “May your home be a theatre of laughter.”
You get the idea.
I emailed him, complimented his work, thanked him for spending the time on it, and explained that we thought the theatrically-themed ceremony would be a distraction from the point of the ceremony. After all, we weren’t celebrating our careers. Also, we’re not Christian.
This was the resulting email exchange:
Him – “I did not realize that you were not Christians as you referenced ‘God’ and ‘Holy Communion’ several times in your original ceremony.”
Me – “Christians don’t have a monopoly on God!”
Him – “Dear Brooke, I have done over thirty weddings for a number of people, many of them famous, many interracial and inter religious. I know my stuff. I am not comfortable being a mere set piece reader at your wedding. There are, in addition, a number of moves at your wedding that are not workable, including the ring part. I do not think you need the services of a Superior Court Judge to read your words. Any Justice of the Peace will do. Count me out. And have a great life together!… Why deny the theatre connection while you are being married in one and on the stage at that! In our culture, the connection was a given!”
The sad thing is, is that we didn’t want him to marry us because he’s important. We wanted him because he and I performed in many shows together at that theatre throughout my childhood. He was the only person with the legal authority to marry us that has a connection to both the theatre and my family.
I got this email while my Aunt and Cousin were at the house helping my mom and I construct pomanders for ceremony decor.
Immediately, everyone got on the phone to help us find a replacement. After nearly ending up with different JOP who asked if she would at least have a few minutes to speak about herself at the ceremony and wanted to add that same Corinthians quote, one of our guests came through with a wonderful friend that became a JOP when him friends could not find an officiant to perform the ceremony they wanted. So he was perfect.
Dr. Raphael Schwartz and his wife came and joined the celebration, and both of them expressed to us that our wedding, our families, and our love for each other made them feel renewed. He performed the ceremony as a mitzvah, with honest intent, emotion, and energy, and as a result we were all so moved. Both Armand and I cried through the whole thing, and during the reception it was wonderful hearing each guest try to find the words to describe how it made them feel and what they saw in it. We got to do the ceremony that we wanted, and that was a reflection of who we are, what we believe, our beliefs concerning marriage, and our wishes for each other, ourselves, and our loved ones. I will never forget it.
The theme of our wedding was ‘Our Family Tree’, making our wedding a celebration not only of the love between Armand and I, but of the generations of love that brought us into being and that we all share today. We had the processional entrances go by generation. The grandparents, Armand’s parents, my parents, our attendants with the flower girl (representing the up-and-coming generation), and then us. Finding a way to make tradition, feminism, and respect all come together in a wedding ceremony was a challenge. I couldn’t be okay with being given away or escorted by my father (of course I love my father, but I don’t love the history of this tradition) so instead, both sets of parents were invited to speak (with both fathers stepping up). Armand and I exchanged rings, but then placed our own rings on ourselves, symbolic of marriage being an active free choice by two individuals.
It was wonderful hearing everyone struggle to find just the right words to express how they felt about our ceremony. People were genuinely and deeply moved, and really got it. I’m so happy that we fought to do it our way.
The ceremony, clocking in at 31 minutes in its entirety (including speakers and the processional), is included below:
INTRODUCTION
Armand and Brooke have asked you here today to bear witness to their love for each other and their commitment to live, work, and grow together as husband and wife. They have asked me to thank you for being here to witness this choice that they have made. You are the people that are closest to them in all the world. Thank you for coming. They also have asked me to express their wish that this wedding will bring all of us closer together in our relationships. Every wedding is not just a ritual of love, but a reminder of its limitless possibility.
SPEAKERS
(Officiant introduces the first speaker, the Father of the Groom, Gabriel DesHarnais. Father of the Groom speaks.)
(Officiant introduces the second speaker, the Father of the Bride, Robert Tansley. Father of the Bride speaks.)
CEREMONY
Now Armand and Brooke, you have told me it is your firm understanding that you are not entering into this marriage for reasons of security . . .
. . . that the only real security is not in owning or possessing, nor in being owned or possessed . . .
. . .not in demanding or expecting, and not even in hoping, that what you think you need in life will be supplied by the other . . .
. . .but rather, in knowing that everything you need in life . . . all the love, all the wisdom, all the insight, all the power, all the nurturing, all the compassion, and all the strength . . . resides within you . . .
. . . and that you are not marrying the other in hopes of getting these things, but in hopes of giving these gifts, that the other might have them in even greater abundance.
Is that your firm understanding tonight?
(They say, “It is.”)
And Brooke and Armand, you have told me it is your firm understanding you are not entering into this marriage as a means of in any way limiting, controlling, or hindering each other from any true expression and honest celebration of that which is the highest and best within you – including your love of God, your love of life, your love of people, your love of creativity, your love of work, or any aspect of your being which genuinely represents you, and brings you joy. Is that still your firm understanding tonight?
(They say, “It is.”)
Finally, Brooke and Armand, you have said to me that you see marriage as producing opportunities . . .
. . . opportunities for growth, for full Self-expression, for lifting your lives to their highest potential, for healing every false thought or small idea you ever had about yourself, and for ultimate reunion with God through the communion of your two souls . . .
. . . that this is truly a Holy Communion . . . a journey through life with one you love as an equal partner, sharing equally both the authority and the responsibilities inherent in any partnership, bearing equally what burdens there be, basking equally in the glories.
Is that the vision you wish to enter into now?
(They say, “It is.”)
What symbols do you bring as a reminder of the promises given and received today?
(BM gives Officiant the rings. Officiant holds rings in his hand as he says . . .)
A circle is the symbol of the Sun, and the Earth, and the universe. It is a symbol of holiness, and of perfection and peace. It is also the symbol of the eternality of spiritual truth, love, and life . . . that which has no beginning and no end. And in this moment, Brooke and Armand choose for it to also be a symbol of unity and of joining.
Now Armand and Brooke, please take these rings you wish to give, one to the other.
(They take each other’s rings.)
Armand, please repeat after me.
I, Armand . . . ask you, Brooke . . . to be my wife . . . to love and cherish from this day on . . . for richer . . . for poorer . . . and in sickness and in health . . . I declare my intention to give you my love . . . in the good times . . . and in the hard ones too . . . not only when you are acting with love . . . but when you are not . . . I further announce . . . before God and those here present . . . that I will seek always to see the Light of Divinity within you . . . and seek always to share . . . the Light of Divinity within me . . . even, and especially . . . in whatever moments of darkness may come . . . It is my intention to be with you forever . . . that we may do together God’s work . . . sharing all that is good within us . . . with all those whose lives we touch.
(The Officiant turns to Brooke.)
Brooke, will you be Armand’s wife?
(She answers, “I will.”)
Now Brooke, please repeat after me.
I, Brooke . . . ask you, Armand . . . to be my husband . . . to love and cherish from this day on . . . for richer . . . for poorer . . . and in sickness and in health . . . I declare my intention to give you my love . . . in the good times . . . and in the hard ones too . . . not only when you are acting with love . . . but when you are not . . . I further announce . . . before God and those here present . . . that I will seek always to see the Light of Divinity within you . . . and seek always to share . . . the Light of Divinity within me . . . even, and especially . . . in whatever moments of darkness may come . . . It is my intention to be with you forever . . . that we may do together God’s work . . . sharing all that is good within us . . . with all those whose lives we touch.
(Officiant turns to Armand.)
Armand, will you be Brooke’s husband?
(He answers, “I will.”)
Please then, both of you, take the rings you would give each other, and repeat after me: With this ring . . . I thee wed . . . I take now the ring you give to me . . . (they exchange rings) . . . and place it upon my hand . . . (they place the rings on their hands) . . . that all may see and know . . . of my love for you.
(They kiss!)
(The Officiant closes . . .)
And so now, inasmuch as you, Brooke, and you, Armand, have announced the truths that are already written in your hearts, and have witnessed the same in the presence of these, your family and friends, and God – we observe joyfully that you have declared yourself to be . . . husband and wife.
BLESSING
Let us all take hands and join now in prayer.
In all the world, two souls have found each other. Their destinies will now be woven into one design, and their perils and their joys shall not be known apart. Armand and Brooke, may your home be a place of happiness for all who enter it; a place where the old and the young are renewed in each other’s company, a place for growing and a place for sharing, a place for music and a place for laughter, a place for prayer and a place for love. May those who are nearest to you be constantly enriched by the beauty and the bounty of your love for one another, may your work be a joy of your life that serves the world, and may your days be good and long upon the Earth.
Amen.
COCKTAIL HOUR
After the ceremony our guests headed out to the lobby for the cocktail hour. Armand, the Wedding Party, and I headed to the dressing room to sign our Marriage License and partake in a group shot of whiskey. After a little 15 minute break, we joined everyone else in the lobby.
DIY PHOTOBOOTH
In theory, this was perfect. The photos looked great in the camera, the lightning was right, folks had a blast with it, and it only cost us $35 for a big CF card for the camera. Too bad the new CF card was defective and corrupted all of the files. Yeah. I get sick to my stomach when I think about it. At least we’re only talking about 48 pictures. The booth was out in the lobby, so it only got used during the cocktail hour, and wasn’t meant to be the major focal point of the wedding.
Everything we needed for it was at the theatre already. We used an adjustable height wardrobe rack with a backdrop over it for the background, two black stools from the orchestra pit, and a music stand to hold the instructions. Some of the lighting equipment we already owned and an additional light was brought in by our photographer.
BOUNTY TABLE
Wow. Jill Donnelly with the Post University Dining Hall Staff really wowed the crowd, not only with the amazing eats, but with the presentation.
Here’s what I remember: shrimp cocktail, garlic roasted peppers, marinated mushrooms, a selection of olives and tapenades, fine breads spilling out of a cornucopia with a selection of herb-infused olive oils, artisan cheeses, a selection of crackers and wafers, figs, dates, grapes, prosciutto, pancetta, hot capicolla, sweet capicolla, and sopressata.
GUESTBOOK
Folks had a lot of fun with the telegrams, aside from the usual well-wishes.
DINNER
Dinner was the best food I’ve ever had at a wedding. There was a pasta station, seafood station, and meat station. It was amazing, made to order, and served up hot. Dessert was cupcakes and canoles. Delicious!
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